grandmother, I miss you

I just had a dream. Not a sweet one, in fact it was a nightmare indeed. Have you ever dreamt that you are already dead?? I had. You can feel the reaction of tears and sadness that comes from your loved ones when they see you lie down, beatless heart. You realize that you are already parted from them. Living in different world feeling extremely lonely and cold. You are isolated from everyone and you wait endlessly. You tend to miss your family members AND YOU WISH THAT YOU COULD TALK TO THEM.

Weirdly, I also dreamt of becoming a ghost. Where I came back to my house one night and tried to talk to my sister, I think. I talked to her and she could hear and see me well. She could understand and responded very well. She acted as if I was real. But of course, I was not, it looked like as if she was talking to herself. The conversation was a nice one. It's like exchanging news. And she knew and understood my condition well, of where I've been, of the loneliness that I went through while being dead. Suddenly, our conversation was interrupted by... I am not so sure who, but she couldn't see me, I think. But as she ask my sister of who my sis is talking to, it's almost as if she too, knew that I came back home... as a ghost.

And then, I woke up...it's time to study. At the moment of this typed dream, I wonder a bit of how my late grandmother has been. I miss her deeply. I wish I could talk to her again. Nenek....fai rindu nenek.... Remembering how this medical line started off... because of HER. She died of sickness. There is no doctor in the family... So it came to me that I had to be the ONE.