self conscious bubye!!!

Had a hard time yesterday. I felt like crying, but as I said before, crying would not help you woth anything. It's always, you, the one who has to mend things until you got it right. No one else is there to show you how anymore. Stand up straight and stop despairing. Allah yang berkuasa di atas segala sesuatu.

If there is any 'self conscious' nerves in our body, I'd very much like to trim it off. What's bothering me is this feeling, negative thoughts and self monologs. Think negatively by making up people's assumptions towards me after seeing my exam results. They must've thought:

"Gler rendah markah budak nih..dia tak study ker?" or

"Biro PKP x reti seimbangkan tanggungjwb. Nama je biro, tapi blaja main2" or

"Fairuz fail?? muka nampak cam skema jek"

I was feeling under the cloudy thundery day this morning with negativeness wrapping me tightly. Lad K stared at me this morning and I wonder if he has seen my bad result. Sure he has and think that I am so beneath and shallow. That is how I'd feel when someone actually stare at me even if they don't mean to stare. I simply feel so underestimated and so small. Tell me I'm self conscious! How do I get rid of this feeling???

But it's just so true though. There are people who talks behind our back about this. They look down on the non-scorer. They don't even make friends with the non-scorer. I know this one person, no need to mention name. I am positively sure she thinks that I'm stupid AND she feels so sick of having someone like me in her batch. It's almost like contaminated.

But life can be fair sometimes, cuz eventhough I wasn't prepare with today's presentation, I did get to present, answer the question and be called the best presenter of the day by Dr. Adi Priyana. 'DR. ADI PRIYANA' actually complimented on mwa... That's huge babe, cuz anyone could be called upon to present, but rarely can be praised like that. I admire Rodzi for being praised by Dr. Diana during mp5. I envied him so much. This really made my day and my self consciousness suddenly dissapear. Tq God.