****** fill in the blank with ur own swear word.

Just then evening, I had usrah meeting as usual with new usrah members. I kinda love this usrah, but one thing I cannot except would be the naqibah, kak Ira. You know what? this habit of modifying everyone in every usrah is sort of a big fat CRAPPP. There, I said it. Why do I choose to say that? Cuz they simply, I emphasize... SIMPLY classify us into groups of usrah according to the SIZE OF OUR TUDUNG. I'd simply say that's a crap. Whoever gets choosen to be in Allah's paradise are never accord to their tudung size.

Please recall when I said I had usrah with new usrah members, the larger crap is when I am down graded into an usrah whose members are so called, JAHAT. To what extend are we jahat? How 'jahat' are we to be classified like this? What kind of change do you expect when you keep on saying that we should change? I've been a good girl all these 20 f*cking years. I listen to my mother's everyword, I don't do sex in fact I am not seeing any guy, I take care of my aurat well, I studied hard to achieve my dream to be a doctor, I did everything a good girl are suppose to do, in fact, I am my family's favourite daughter. The girl whose been at everyone's expectations. Therefore, I DO NOT NEED TO ACQUIRE ANY F*CKING CHANGES AT ALL. Stop saying that I need one!!!

I am so freaking stress by all these madness. I just want to be what I used to be. I used to be a cheerful girl, no sulking faces. I used to respect people and smile at them no matter how much I go through. I used to be the most responsible one, to organize and to manage. But now, with all these stress, I HAD to be someone I am not. I even had to raise my voice to a friend in order to just let me leave cuz I refuse to go to a sort of like a talk... on a class night. I am freaking tired with my head aching like ass. I was not bathe and almost disorganized, which I hate the most. Islam is suppose to be indah. Why are you making it look like STRESSFUL ZONE to me?

By the way, I've always hated the fact that we are to live up the ukhuwah thingy. Cuz seriously, they look PERFECTLY FAKE to me. Everyone is faking when they are being nice. No one has been nice through their heart, as in an ACTUAL LOVE. Please, no pretence. JUST STOP IT! I can't take it anymore. Being nice for reasons, what an impostors, that's just awful. Trully awful to me.