the nonstop depression

Back to what Ja said, in order to feel better bout our failure is to remember that we came here the hard way. Harder than anyone else. We are simply different, not like other people who seems to be a running when we are still walking.

Put aside laziness, as far as I can remember, it was a sacrifice I made not to be lazy, not be surrounding myself with pleasure things. I did my best, all that I can, intending to pass the paper. But there's nothing more I can elaborate and explain about my weakness either. Weakness are gift, like Ja said, Allah puts us through the most horror grief, more than anyone could ever felt because He gives his bless each time we get through the obstacles welldonely.

I realize I am far different from any of them. Until now, I am trying to find the truth and explaination to overcome this weakness. As a matter of fact, it isn't simple. Took me forever. Even when I thought that I finally found it, I lost it again. I am just wondering if there is someone out there who feels the same too. Pouring out to them is much better cuz they understand what it feels like to be in despair over and over again. Mum would provide positive words, she understand but sometimes telling her just gives me heart slit for dissapointing her.

What worst is having to cope with the stressful environment. My sleeps are not peaceful at all. People can see the terrified eyes I own, with "I am in deep trouble" face expression. I just hope that this'll, you know..END. Promise me that this suffering will end. amin

For those who hardly know me, I may be laughing with you. Because I laugh for you. But deep inside I hold a grief no one could understand. Some other people may have the same fate with me, but I choose not to make peace with this fate. I have to do something cuz doing something is better than planning a self destruction.