Kenape yek? hidup aq ni macam ditimpa2 dengan kesusahan. Aq penat terkadang, sebab masalah aq bertimpa2 dan aq x larat nak jalani semua ni. Aq tengok org lain sume bahagia je. Perfect life. Ketawa dan ceria.
Honestly, aq penat nak being positive, aq penat nak apply defence mechanism, aq penat nak tahan air mata. Boleh dikatakan, kwn baik bulanan bukan period, but tears. Mybe org lain x tahu aq sedih, only the person that i open to would know or anyone reading twitter or this blog.
Aq bukan minta utk diceriakan. Aq minta utk difahami dan go through this with me, as my second pair of shoes. Feel the same way i do, not just comfort me and then that's it. Because my problems are major and continuos. Cry with me if you can.
Sometimes pple think i'm fine because aq ceria. Yes, aq mmg seorang yg ceria, susah nak tngok aq marah atau sedih. Because i hate to bother pple's mind with my problem, but the truth is that i want you to ask me if i'm well, not monthly, but everyday. I sound like i'm so full of myself right. But i really need you.
Lucky thing about me is that if I cry for a minute and I might also laugh the next. Because I compensate with my dissapointment so fast. I adapt well. I am the most optimistic person among my friends. I see hope and faith, sometimes when i over do it, i tend to fail myself by having false hope.
My life's a bummer, if you think you've got problem, babe I'm stuck with problems. i'm jinxed big time dude! Tak tahu lah, it's as if hidup aq ni di atur dengan dugaan satu persatu. Dengan kekecewaan kena extend a sem, the fact to deal that I am a sem delayed and my friends sume dah pakai snelly and busy dgn skill lab and i'm stuck carrying diktat allover the building. Malu kalau ter'bump' with anyone of them. Dorg pki baju kurung, aq selekeh pakai slack and t-shirt *with shawl maria elena plak tu*. They converse pon in language i cannot understand. Topic perbualan xyah cakap laa. Mmg OUT terus. Sometimes I feel like i want their company but i dun want them talking about skill lab in front of me. But how can i prevent that? Soal jaga hati sangat subjective accord to pple's sensitiveness. I can count on a pisces friends but others?
So, sometimes if i go out with them, i try with all my might not to feel superfragile. There you go, I need to be strong again. Everywhere, everytime. That's why I just wanna go home lepas first module finishes. So i had arranged that I'd go home from 6/10 - 6/11. And there you go, it's 11/10 and i'm stuck here because of my f***ing passport. Dari sebulan cuti and i get to go back home for less than 2 weeks. Fill in you favourite swear words, thank you.
Dah la dah la, aq mls nak stress stress over this shitty passport. Klo keturunan aq ade depression history, dah lame aq kene dah kot. So dari aq jd gile, baik la aq bersyukur dan distract myself from this misery. Cume yg aq fikir skng, apelah dosa aq ek, dari dulu smpi sekarang hidup aq tak pernah sunyi dari masalah bertimpa2. I know few friends yg bermslh tp they've gotten over that probs and they seem to be happy now.
Oh ye, kalau aq dpt balik nnti, tiket pon mesti mahal punye kan, sbb beli last minute. Mmg la mom n dad yg tanggung sume tp rugi la, tiap2 kali mcm ni. Aq rase mcm kesian kt parents aq, dorg x pernah putus harapan kt aq, cume mcm aq rase sial gile dorg dpt anak cm aq ni. Da la x pandai, menyusahkan, manja nak mamp, merugikan duit etc. There's nothing to be proud of pon aq ni, nama je amek medic luar negara tp, you just never know what we've been through.
Aq cume berharap, aq boleh bertahan sampai aq balik msia the next 10 days. Please pray for me. Doakan supya hidup aq dikurangkan kesusahan yg bertimpa-timpa cmni. Ape je yg aq x pernah kena kt indon ni, i've been scammed, robbed and so much more. The only reason to smile is if I had to force it.
3 komentar:
here come your smiling cat! :)
fai, hidup ni memang tak semudah apa yang kita rase. kadang2 kte rasa senang, kadang2 kte susah. tp kita kena ingat. apa yang Allah dah tentukan untuk kita tu ada hikmah.
mungkin waktu kita susah ni baru kita sedar kita tengah susah. kita fikir kenapa tuhan buat camni dekat kita? tapi pernahkah kita fikir, waktu kita senang. kita ada ingat tak waktu senang tu? macam fairuz kena bersyukur sangat2. ada mak ayah yang mmg supportive sangat2. even akak yang dok dalam malaysia ni jarang gler balik kelantan sbb akak save budget. tak nak susahkan mak ayah akak. smpkan satu masa along akak masuk ICU. akak tak dapat nak balik sebab tiket flight mahal. tapi fairuz ada mak ayah yang boleh support all the time.
kita mmg x boleh lari dari kesusahan, kesedihan. tapi ingatlah untuk berdoa supaya hidup kita jauh dari benda2 camtu. sbb tu dalam hidup kita ni. jangan cepat melenting, jaga percakapan dengan org lain, sentiasa berfikir positive. dan most important thing is. jangan lupa Allah! :)
huhu, terima kasih kak sharing2 kt cni. Kdg2 bile fai compare prob fai dgn org lain, baru fai nmpk langit tinggi rendah.
Fai mmg perasan, fai slalu akn dpt ape fai nak eventually wlupon lambat. Fai bersyukur, tp fai susah nak kwl perasaan kesian kt diri sendiri in between tu.
fai akan ingt pesan2 akak tu. Mungkin jgak,, fai ni laser mmg kena slalu jg perckpan. lgpon fai tgh period ni, so emo sgt2. huhu. buat masa ni fai menyibukkan diri dgn benda2 lain spya x teringat sgt rase nak balik tu, smpi avoid kol mama. nnt msti ase nak nangis je. kwn2 yg lain sume sibuk g kelas, fai duk dlm bilek sorg2. twitter n fb je la jd teman. huh.. smoga dpt balek cpt :))
InsyaAllah dapat balik.
think positive dear~ kat malaysia pon xde lah best mane.fikir camtu.hehehe.
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