the depression

Not sure why but i feel like to write in here for i need a whole lot of space to get it all out that not enough twitter word limit can compensate this.

I don't really know how to feel right now. I am a bit frustrated but i do not want to get my happy painting being splashed with drops of tears. I am tired of this really, I am tired of crying, last time I cried when mtht result came out. Each time these horror uneasy feelings came up, I knew I'd be having dificulties in adjusting myself spiritually. I am not strong as anyone might think I am. I need an armour to protect me from being so depressed. Being depress is such biggy to me. I hate it but I have to go through it.

I'd call ma, but there's no solution to it. She'd calm me down but she doesn't understand what I'm going through. I need someone who would understand me and really care about how I feel. I need someone to go through this with me and not just some hi and bye. This depression is somewhat continuous and people can't seem to notice my regression. They thought that i'm not interested in fun anymore.

And other time, I'd calm myself down with words of wisdom and words of god. But sometimes, I can only get it all out just for awhile or just overlap what I feel but never letting it go thoroughly. Because the stressor never left. I keep on thinking that it's not right for I have to go through this unhappiness but others don't. But Allah choses me and I have to be brave to confront it all. I wish they knew what it feels like to be in my shoes.