Hadiah Hari jadiku

Hai, dear bloggie.

It's been awhile since I write anything in here. I have as what you call went thru a golden period. I am now in after-soca holiday. Yes, i've passed soca. After all that I've been tru. After all that sadness and sorrows. I've finally got what I wanted. That is to pass soca and to start kkd.

So, I failed the first day of soca which was on 5th march, a day before my birthday. It was a heart broken feeling. I failed to urinary tract infection case w/ Prof. Widagdo and Dr. Yenny. It was the worst. I really thought I could do it. I showed them my ethusiasm to pass, but I was a little short on the lab interpretation. I was damn dissapointed. At least I didn't forfeit before the game.

The others, Izzul and Anas didn't pass too. They got Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and Hypertension. But Dzul passed tho, he got Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. So I went back and study w/ my study group. We studied the answers for the checklists. Man I'm glad we did that. Cuz it was the key to my victory the next day. Unfortunate things happen along the way that brought my spirit down. First was when I was alerted by friends that I had not registered to retest when I knew I had. So on the 5th march I had to run to fk, wearing my sweat pants, gogles shirt and sliper to see what's gone wrong w/ my retest registration. Turns out I hadn't register w/ the 'other' counter. Second, I forgot that I don't have extra photos for my exam slip. My exam was at 11 and shops aren't open till afternoon. So doomed I was. I had to use the smaller ones instead. But no body commented anything Thank god. Third, and the worst of all was the retest was on my birthday.

That night, I felt that I have to hide my pain for the sake of the retest. I was tired, heart broken and I hadn't any more strenght left to be strong even for a minute. So that night I called mum and I cried. I told her I was tired and cannot go on. I was wondering what's wrong with me. I was wondering if I could ever passed and I was wondering if ever god listens to my prayers for the past one month. Friends hv been texting nonstop to know how did. Twitter, BBM. I could not find the time to reply everysingle text. I appreciate everysingle encouraging words especially those from Wahida and Dzul.

So that night I didn't sleep properly, I napped, woke up study and then slept again. It was such a disaster condition. Facebook, twitter notification didn't rest for the night, they were all my birthday wishes. As i go thru my notes on 6th march morning, I cried asking myself "This is my birthday, why do I have to go thru this?". All I can do was to be strong. My head was empty, I couldn't focus. I thought I could never have passed any case at all. But in my heart I wished for one thing. I wished more than anything that I'd get Panick disorder case. That is my key to pass.

Got to fk and saw Farah, she passed w/ Leukemia. Then Izzul passed w/ Uveitis. I was so happy for them but thinking of my fate, I just don't know anymore. I didn't come to pass, I came because I had to retest. Allah sahaja yang tahu perasaan waktu tu macam mana. When I got my envelope, I was so happy that it wrote Gang. Panik. It was a miracle and I passed. Allah Maha Mendengar. Ini adalah hadiah pada Hari Jadiku dariNya.